I had gotten to a point in my life where I had done everything I thought I was supposed to. I studied, worked hard, got to the position I thought I wanted and made the money I thought I needed to be satisfied. The first few years were fantastic but then, like a slow-moving creek picking up momentum as it approaches a waterfall, I started noticing little by little, a shift in myself. I had spent the last decade getting here and now I'm unhappy? I tried everything to convince myself that this is just life, and everyone feels this way about work. I thought "how many people love their jobs?",  and that I should consider myself lucky. 

When I finally admitted to myself that despite all the effort it took to get here, it wasn't a place I could continue to stay.  I just wasn't willing to give any more time chasing a bad ante. It was incredibly deconstructing to come to terms with having worked so hard to get somewhere only to find out it wasn't where I needed to be to feel complete. I had tied a great deal of my identity to my career and the field I had specialized in, and for what? To be another cog?, to collect my pay and die? No, it was worse, it was to help make shareholders wealthy.  I was often told I was too passionate, too opinionated, took too big a swing, spoke too directly, and had too bold of an idea. "The company isn’t ready for that”, was something I heard often. 

Everything about my life had become monotonous and on top of it, there was no place for someone that wanted to question the “how” and “why” of the work we were undertaking. Sunday nights were the worst. The dread of the upcoming week, the waking in the middle of the night in a panic about something I had forgot to do or something I should have made a different call on became my reality. The person I had been was slowly becoming apathetic, stagnant and sad. Like waking after a thousand years, I remembered myself. I went back to the forest, I took a deep breath and listened. I opened my eyes and saw where I wanted to be.

I am fiercely passionate. 

I am opinionated because I'm informed. 

I take big swings because I'm strong. 

I am direct because life is finite, and we can do better. 

My ideas are bold because I’m fearless. 

I will create a company that is ready for that. 

I will be my boss. 

I will live my life not theirs.